Tuesday, 5 February 2013

How Many Writers Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?


One to change the light bulb…

Four to say that they’d already had the idea, but didn’t want to show anyone what they were doing until they’d polished their light-bulb-changing technique…

Two to point out that someone else had already changed a light bulb, so changing another one was unoriginal and thus not worthwhile…

Three to call light bulbs a new technology that was going to be catastrophic for traditional literature…

And One to figure out that writers are terrible at maths.

Everyone's so serious at the moment, but I thought I would offer a stolen joke to lighten the writers' load. And now for the inevitable self-promotion, but if you see something you like you'll be glad you stopped by...

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Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Five New New Year’s Resolutions for Writers

Yeah, I know; it’s mid-January. You’ve already decided on, set and broken all of your New Year’s resolutions. You didn’t quit smoking, lose 5 stone or magically become or sleep with Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt. You probably hate me already for reminding you that we even started a new year with so many broken promises littering the pathway to February, but do not despair; we live in a disposable culture: if things break, we don’t fix them; we get more things. And so it is with New Year’s resolutions. Sweep away your broken promises and conjure up some new ones. Better still, you can use these… Five New New Year’s Resolutions for Writers.     

I will not write Tweets, check my emails, respond to pokes, see how my items are selling on eBay, watch clips of dancing babies, download tunes, check my emails again or buy things that I don’t need from Amazon when I am supposed to be writing. I will commit to disconnecting the internet at certain times of the day for my writing sessions and for the greater good.

Conversely, I will learn to tolerate interruptions in my writing sessions that thoughtlessly sever the brittle link between myself and my imaginary world by thoughtless non-writers who think that the real world is the only one that matters. I will not kick the cat, headbutt Jehovah Witnesses, scream at phone sales people, file for divorce or have my children put into care.

I will commit to considering that this ‘real life’ sometimes plays a valid role in my existence and remember that writing is not a substitute for food, water, company, sunshine and exercise. Also, when I am engrossed in writing, my body does not become a self-cleansing entity.

I will look on other writers’ successes with good grace, even if they are talentless upstarts who were lucky enough to catch a break and are now living the life of my dreams even though they’re talentless and don’t deserve it and it’s not fair… And breathe!

I will remember everyday how lucky I am to have the ability to imagine, to explore the worlds of this imagination, to have a voice that will be heard long after I have left this planet and – if I’m even luckier – to get paid into the bargain.

Happy New New Year x



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